Wednesday, 6 October 2010

Amsterdam Dadu

OK. I have been morose, morbid, emo and maudlin and I have been tolerated by my followers and readers (who are mostly Undead). Erm. So. Time for funny stories.

I went to Oxford a few months back. For a conference. And I had some funny experiences like usual, you know, because these things happen to Ahona Panda. I am like an unfortunate iron nail stuck to a magnet of idiosyncrasy. So, to proceed (I am in a bit of a hurry, absolutely no digressions today, dearies.)

Chapter I: Meeting Amsterdam Dadu.

I am travelling on Emirates so I must travel via Dubai where I change aeroplanes, yes? I meet Amsterdam Dadu on the first flight itself.

A.D.: Hello, little girl. Are you flying alone? (Tee hee.)
Me: *stern silence*
A.D.: I am flying alone too. This is my first major flight outside the country. My wife refused to come, she said long flights make her head ache, so I had to come alone.
Me: Where are you going?
A.D.: Amostaardaam.
Air Hostess: Excuse me, sir. Would you like a drink?
A.D.: A what?
A.H.: *pleasantly* what would you like to drink
A.D.: *berserk* I WANT HARD DRINKS.
A.H.: Indeed. Wine, sir?
A.H.: I said HARD DRINKS, NOT SOFT DRINKS.

Amostaardaam Dadu falls asleep soon, lulled into sleep by his favoured whisky. Then what happens? I'm telling you toh.

Amostaardaam Dadu and I get off at Dubai.
A.D.: Little girl, don't leave me, I will get lost. Where do I go? I will miss my flight. Dubai Airport is huge, they sell gold here. And diamonds.
Me: *sotto voce* and camels and oil?
Don't worry. I'm here. We'll check the itinerary. Once you know your gate number, you can be led there. Plus you have 10 hours to find it, I have only 2 hours to find mine.
A.D. I am feeling a strange goor goor in my stomach. I am having panic, I think.
I will go ask.

Me: Uhhh. OK.

Amsterdam Dadu picks on the nearest white man.
A.D: Excuse me, which way to Amostaardaam, please?
White man: Uhhh?
*runs away*

Amsterdam Dadu picks on the 2nd white man in uniform. This officer looks genial and ruddy, with a hearty complexion and a twinkle in his eye.

A.D.: Excuse me, which way to Amostaardam, please?
Kind white man: This is Dubai airport.
A.D: I know. So which way to Amostaardaam?
K.W.M.: You take erm, an aeroplane?
A.D.: AH! YES.
K.W.M.: You rise up in the sky like so....*hand gesture of an eagle soaring into the sky and then swooping*
Then down you go, down to Amsterdam.
A.D.: I see. But which way to Amostaardaam?
K.W.M.: Sorry?
Maybe you want to see the board which announces your departure and gate?

A.D.: I will ask. Thank you. Ahonaaaa?

I was trying to slink away, but he caught me, so I led him to the board and found his gate, departure time, everything. But as ancient proverbs go, you cannot make a man who does not wish to understand ever understand. You can bring the horse to the water trough but you cannot make it drink, especially if it desires streams of whisky. He told me he would return to ask someone who knows...
"Wait for me" he said.
And taking a magisterial bend disappeared from my life forever.

Chapter 2- next installment. For sure!

7 comments:

Somewhere Circus said...

Roar of Lafotaar!

Anushka said...

You're not making this up, are you? If you are, I envy your talent for fiction.
If you aren't, I envy your life.

Magically Bored said...

Hahaha, this is absolutely hilarious! Seriously, one meets the funniest people on flights. I love your writing style. :)

Madhuri Ramachandran said...

OMG I know Dadu, I think there are a few in every civilization :D!

Rahul Saha said...

You are totally making this up. I'm sure of it.

Arse Poetica. said...

I AM NOT.MAKING.THIS. UP.

Anoo. said...

i want next installment ASAP!