Tuesday, 30 March 2010

-life update-

Insomnia is the worst disease in the world, next to immortality. Imagine never being able to die, never being able to sleep is just a little less bad. I hate my insomnia, it was never this serious. My psychoanalyst could not help me at all. Today a psychiatrist prescribed me medicines, and advised me to stop intake of tea/coffee. This is my death knell, I can't imagine a life without tea and coffee. I don't want any kind of stress anymore, but you should have seen her face when I said that. She looked incredulous and amused(bemused?) and gave me the sort of looks that people give you when they think that being a graduate in English Literature has made you slightly retarded.

It's not all that, it's not. "What is it then?" she asked. If I could even begin to answer her question she would have shown me some respect but I gave her a dull nod and said "I don't know." I am sick of pleading ignorance these days. I want to know. I want to know. And I want to know more than the things I study, read, write or think. I want to fucking know.

Literature really does you in, if you take it seriously. The world does you in if you take it seriously. Why didn't I realize it before? I never took it seriously and I was fine, then I lost half my friends, I mean not just drifting away but actively antagonizing them, I am such a wretched bitch. Fuck this world!Fuck it all. I want to stop being endearing to a handful, I want to be enduring instead.

And now-after a really pathetic day- I came home and discovered that a didi of mine has sent me a parcel of books, choglet and clothes from Montreal. This made me cry out of sheer happiness. Isn't there this strange thrill that permeates one's body and mind when one discovers that one is loved unconditionally by someone at least? I was so happy with everything until I discovered that she had also sent me a piece of putty. Amazing putty that tears like paper, bounces like rubber and shatters like ceramic! It's s'posed to be for stress relief and is manufactured by a company called Copernicus Toys. (Irony, huh?) It has made one li'l retard sister very very very very happy :)

I don't know what to gloat over more-Michael Chabon, endless gourmet choglet or my piece of yellow putty nothingness (and putty sounds like potty, I am exhilarated!)

Silver linings etc etc outshining them dirty grey clouds, huh!
Thank you and I love you Buba didi!

7 comments:

Anurima. said...

Etai bhabchilaam, kotokhon putty taake potty naa boley thaaktey parbi! Ish amaro jodi erom didi hoto re... :'(

WiseOwl said...

''Literature really does you in, if you take it seriously. The world does you in if you take it seriously. Why didn't I realize it before? I never took it seriously and I was fine, then I lost half my friends, I mean not just drifting away but actively antagonizing them, I am such a wretched bitch. Fuck this world!Fuck it all. I want to stop being endearing to a handful, I want to be enduring instead.''

I couldn't agree more. I've been in this warp for the entire week now. Every word from Suk Chau's Tragedy course seemed to forecast doom. I tell you, i take literature far too personally for my own good. I'm actually really glad that you wrote this.

i'm not alone.
whew!

Holy Ghost said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Dr. Larry Deutsch said...

Learn to relax and accept simple, effective, post-hypnotic suggestions to relieve stress. If you are busy and often feel tense and stressed-out use Stress Relief Hypnosis for even just 10 minutes a day for deep relaxation.

Madhuri said...

Good for Ahona, I agree, its amazing how people come through like perfection sometimes and fill our puny lives with unexpected bliss :)!

Elendil said...

The more you stress about your issues, the bigger the issues become.

Oh wait, I forget. That's exactly what you want.

storyteller said...

Retail therapy I tell you works best :)