Tuesday, 5 January 2010

noir et blanche

Sometimes I would dream that I was very very independent. It was a beautiful dream. It would be a cold winter's day and I would wear a black trench coat and lovely heels and I would walk smartly and alone, with a long cigarette in my hands. I would wear a beautiful scarf and look suitably mysterious. I would go into a dashing building. It would be this most enigmatic noir cinematic moment, this splendid dream of mine.

Today I was wearing this holey polo neck and a frayed and black kashmiri coat. With a stole, not a beautiful scarf. And the most horrible rexine shoes with heels. I carried a cigarette and a cup of cha that tasted like horlicks, and I was also wearing golden hoops. Was my noir moment coming true? I don't know.

Winter is rather cold in more ways than one. But winter sunshine is so much better! I get more curves through overeating and my nerves improve tremendously. All due to a spot of the sun. Strange how people equate that with insanity; touch of the sun, eh? Language makes me feel uneasy about the world. Terribly. I will no longer brood.

Except of course on why I cannot plead insanity and ask people to go away when I snort snot at them. Will they go away on their own? Must my absurdism have a deeper meaning so that your academic intellects may interpret my misery or the lack of it thereof? Do I confuse you? Do I need the horror of the rouge, blanche et noir of our sordid everyday existences?

Are these questions that keep me awake at night?
I am afraid not. I have sedatives.

But actually I stopped. With sedatives, you may sleep but you stop dreaming. And for noir but not noir addicts, what a pity that would be!


Elendil said...

Balls you stop dreaming. You dream fine, you sleep fine. You're awake and fresh and not at all groggy in 10 hours. Alzolam baby. It rocks.

Next time you no sleepy before exams, you pop Alzy and you off to sleepy happy land in a matter of an hour.

Tangled up in blue... said...

Life is always so much cooler in cinema, its unfair!

哭泣 said...
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Madhuri said...

I can feel the morbidity, it is still beautiful :)!