Friday, 13 November 2009

Darkness III. (Not!)

[My tea rests near my elbow. I wish to knock it down.
Because my elbow cannot resist my frown. I wish I could
haiku; but I say kaiku? And that is because once more
I have too much inanity only in store. Frothy and light
is my cappuccino existence. (Will I go to Barista tonight?)
Indeed not. I am broke and my elbow hates my tea.
Coffee is rare, but hot chocolate is for me...]

My tea rests near my elbow. Not really, I just knocked it down.
I think I am a tragic hero, but mother calls me clown.
That is so unfair, like Prufrock, must I dare? To shake
the universe is such a jest. When I break
a leg after I shake a leg, mother calls me pest.
And you know what they say; mommy knows best.

Now whisky rests near my elbow. I will not knock it down.
I shall paint the city red while you confine yourself to town.
Scarlet is my choice of colour, euro or I want a dollar
Don't call me, don't holler. I see lipstick on your collar.
Oh you nasty horrid man, you call me frisky?
Of course not. I am sheepish. I think it is the whisky.

I know what you think of me. Delusions of grandeur.
But really, I am honest. I have such refreshing candour.
You look at my header and you see an ugly poach
Which I call "french omelette". (Must you see me as a roach?)
I wish you would rest near my elbow. What would I do?
Nothing really. Except poke you through and through.

[I am not deceived by Plath-itudes. I like my life happy.
Just don't give me a baby with a horrid dirty
nappy. Don't act so very shirty, and dare not call me flirty.
Don't take me out for coffee, don't look at me like that-
(I know I am fading funny like a whimsy Cheshire Cat)
It's not a beverage but it's the fact that I'm me
Such a sweet changeling addicted to black coffee...]


AUROBOROS banerjee said...

this is the best piece of intelligible inanity i have ever come across. and that is not a compliment i throw everybody's way.

Sugar Magnolia said...


Hhahahah :D

Baudolino said...

On your next birthday, someone must get you a copy of Udbhata Sagara. You are a lost scion of that marvellous school.

Arse Poetica. said...

@arnab- don't call me intelligible!
আমাকে বোঝা যায় না! আমার উপর টীকা লেখা যায় না এবং আমার কোনো শাখা নেই

@sugar- काहे को? बबुवा!

@baudolino- তোর বেড়াল রা উদ্ভট, গান্ডু!I am not a cat, I am the Cheshire Cat.

Magically Bored said...

Haha, what a lovely post!
Oh, and you've put me in the mood for a Cappucino!

Grigori Rasputin said...

Lovely. I'm sure your comments in the regional script are magnificent as well,as "intelligibly" abstruse.

Grigori Rasputin said...

I am a thrice-dead Russian, you can understand. My apologies.

Arse Poetica. said...

Snort. You are the Young Pretender.

storyteller said...

I am lauhging, yes.

precisely said...

ei lekha tar jonyo ami tokey shombar biri khaoyabo. muaah.

JOE said...

The Vicious Circle

Day twenty nine and the rum had run out
I woke up in the hold with the driest of mouths
In a dress made of lace and a pain in my arse
I recalled being tied to the foot of the mast

Then recoiled at the thought of the cabin boys fate
There was sharks off the bough so we used him as bait
And his screams as the fiends shredded meat from his chops
Made us laugh as the wrack broke our ship on the rocks

Oh we sobbed at the sight of the splintering hull
and the Island we hit had no trace of a pub
But the galley was sure they could whip something up
From the Amazon grapes and Acacia pulp

For a week we survived on the memory of grog
Till the juice of the fruit was fermented and strong
For a while we were glad to be rid of the shakes
But the madness crept into our camp like a snake

I awoke in the night to the carpenters screams
He was taking an axe to a coconut tree
When I asked why the hell he was the carving the bark
He said God had asked him to assemble an ark

I was moments away from expressing my doubt
When I heard the faint sound of the sail maker shout
We are dirt!
We are cursed!
This is death!
This is dream!
There’s a Devil out there and he’s coming for me!

As the camp came alive in a babble of tongues
I reached into my boot and I loaded my gun
Then assured the poor soul he had nothing to fear
Till I realised the man had been dead for a year

I remember the Beasts and the flickering flames
I remember the Blood that I licked from my plate
I remember the Flesh that I tore with my nails
To the cries of the Damned and the singing of Whales.

It was weeks before they saw the plumes of the smoke
From the crosses that lit every inch of the coast
As they wandered ashore a few sailors threw up
At the sight of the pikes and the heads on the top

They found me in the caves building chairs out of bones
I was hit on the head and dragged off to the hold
I was told I’d be hanged when they docked into port
And I longed for the drop and the snap of the rope

But the boat had got lost in the mists of the sea
They had eaten the biscuits and drank all the tea.
Then from high up on deck I heard somebody shout
It is day twenty nine and the rum has run out…

Arse Poetica. said...

@Joe/Lee Cassanell- You posted an entire poem to teach me the craft! Thou art a mad writer,a wretched alcoholic and an evil genius.

Arse Poetica. said...

@Magically Bored- coffee is a way of life, nest-ce-pas?

@storyteller-I'd rather laugh all the way to the bank


Anurima. said...

I LOVE THIS ONE! etaa fantastic!

Anushka said...

I'm not sure whether this is subtly or outrageous funny. But funny it is! =D

Tangled up in blue... said...

I never met anyone who rhymed 'haiku' with 'kaiku'!

Brilliant..i almost see the grin hanging in the air..

Safdar said...


i'm a fan.

Safdar said...


i'm a fan.

Safdar said...

see.such a big fan.

Arse Poetica. said...

@anurima- <3 <3 doesn't that look like a cs of something? ahem!

@anushka- *salaams smartly*

@safdar- huh! :O you're the football hero-i am just a sad person. okay maybe not a sad person, but definitely YOU'RE the football hero.

Arse Poetica. said...

@tangled up in blue- i don't even your real name, and you have never met me. but you're a wonderful 21 year old from bombay- and i want to meet you badly :(

Arse Poetica. said...

you're also a brilliantly talented and well read lady studying medicine, i am totally devoted to your blog :P

Safdar said...

:-/ i do hope you realise i have no clue of who you are.but im toh mere football are hero. :-)

Arse Poetica. said...



I thought everybody knew me. I thought I was a celebrity. Now I am shocked. Even ickle juniors don't know me. When we were ickle firsties we knew all our seniors. I am appalled. Today's generation baba, what to only tell no.

Arse Poetica. said...

shit. wrong answer. consider this the right answer.

"Luke, I am your father."