Friday, 17 October 2008

Change and Continuity...

I am in a very odd mood today.

I don't know what it is. His grandmother has left us, mine is suddenly aware of her own mortality. So am I. I shall miss her. So much. I cried a bit today.

I remembered my first real crush. Apollo looks like the golden ass now. Both he and his wife (then girlfriend) look as old as frogs. I sneakily checked their pictures. I had such a preference for slightly older chaps. Especially smart ones. And then kaput! Or caput! A genius, non smoker, non alcoholic, nine months older type! The irony.
Ah well. The latter had a crush on a girl who can't spell chicken, for obvious reasons. Very amusing. I am letting out this startling secret. All humans are human. And though Terence said that nothing human disgusted him or words to that effect, and if it wasn't Terence, I don't care, I wasn't digusted either.
Because now I will list some of my Bad Secrets.
#1. I once farted while I was coughing in Class 7. In class. It smelt too. The girl who sat next to me made an elaborate display of shrinking-like-violet, clean-handkerchief-to-nose-lifting, and other assorted I-so-wanna-have-you-regret-this activities. Twelve-Thirteen is a cruel age.
#2. I pronaamed my father once and he was confused and he pronaamed me. Yes, he touched my feet and collected the dust. The only explanation is; I am a Goddess and my progenitor realizes that the 33 crore Hindu Gods (gawds?) have smiled on him. But he is not religious and he throws hard-bound books at me when angry. So what is it? I am confused.
#3. I listened to Hey Jude to wallow in the glow and misery of my first crush. He was a Greek sculpture, nay, God even. Now Gawd. He looks like an elderly corporate. Which he is. Huh. His wife looks like she could be my mum. I feel terribly smug and conceited.
#4. My best friend's (N.R.) cousin brother had a crush on me. I gave him a lighter before I discovered that he did. And for once, I had the grace to blush.
#5. I love a certain someone very very very much. He had a thing for silly women. Before me, he says. So he says. I, on the other hand, am confused. Yet again. Could it be that I have misjudged myself?Old habits die hard, and all that. Maybe I am dumb. Maybe I too spell it CHICKAAAAN!Maybe I spell Chiffon SHEEEFAAAN!!!! Or maybe not. :(

BUT I am not the face(rather,body!) that launches a million sperms. So...I shall launch a million champagne bubbles, a fleet of yachts, a hundred paperbacks, and whatnot. I shall launch a clothing line, custom made perfume, and everything else.
What the fuck am I writing? It's been a loooong day.

Stop using metaphors, they are lies. Use similes, they are true. Life is embarrassing and bewildering. It comes back at various junctures, like nausea, in anti-peristaltic movements. Sudden, sudden, hitting like a gush of realization, like the size of my bum, like the warmth of a mum, like the efficacy of rum, etc. But damn, love and lust and realization all in a day?
I hate you R.V. I do.

But I hate death more. The only thing to do is to follow my father's example and throw hardbound books at it. With great vehemence and anger. And then sing
Sweetie Pie, Sweetie Pie
Cholo naa paachhaa dolaai.
(trans. Let's shake ass, man!)


Baudolino said...

Untruth, bokaa! Untruth you have spoken.

ahona said...

which Untruth, muhdear? I have spoken several.

Baudolino said...

see the penpenultimate paragraph.

Baudolino said...

but let's not indulge in pukur-paar exhibitionism, as you once put it.

ahona said...

I will strip naked and dance with the racy lacy lingerie i.e., brassiere and panty, both from Westside, awfully expensive, clutched with both hands. I will wash them with Sunlight detergent on the bank of the muddy pond. I will throw them in your face. I will laugh at you, I will jeer, I will show you my thumb, not merely the middle finger. You understand? This is not Exhibitionism, this is Bengali Brand of Feminism (new age). Huh.So there.

Oshtorombha said...

My friends, eta pukur paar exhibitionism er bara. Chhi, no puns intended. Ami bolchhi je this is greater than pukur paar exhibitionism. Eta Bangal ra kore. *Evil Grin*

Pronaam back ta funny. kintu ajke'r "Shorbonash" tough competition debe. Ta chhara, let us not talk about lighters and old flames, eh? ;D

ahona said...

Like that animal. Hmphhh. You are right. Sanity personified. But at least all of mine had brains!

Anurima. said...

ahem, heavier?

Bhooter Raja said...

for me, the contents of your posts are secondary to your writing style. absolutely enjoy it.

ahona said...

I have always maintained that you are the most intelligent gentleman I have stumbled upon in our Gott-forsaken dept, Dibbo.
Gentleman, I assert.

story-teller said...

And your writing style is so witty and full of spunk,I love too.

Elendil said...

Yes, I agree with Dibbo. Witty it is.