Saturday, 10 May 2008

To Have And Have Not.

When I stopped blogging 'twas for a number of reasons. One was an empty sense of futility and an overwhelming loneliness. Mistake not these moments for urban ennui, my friends. Or for the wretched outcome that the hectic pace of modern life inevitably begets. This routine practice with language bored me. Why should I put up my feelings thus anyway? How does it matter in the cosmic scheme of things?And at the end of the frigging day who the fuck cares?
They smile senilely, or snigger cleverly, or maybe just nod wisely. You type away your frustrations, inhibitions, constipation, etcetera. And then you gaze lovingly at your template and change a few page elements. Voila! Life is just so exciting, innit.
Sometimes you can fall in love.With green frogs of childhood, with placid cows who aren't so placid after all what with those horns and everything. Please do not read sexual innuendoes into these few lines that I happen to type on a languid Saturday afternoon. This has nothing to do with real events. These are extended metaphors. Do not ask me for what, I have no clue. I say this because it sounds nice and also because. Well, as one dandy once remarked to another dandy, Just so.
*broods again*
As I was telling both Baba and N. the other day, I would really like to write something on Bengali identity one day, Bengali-hood as it were. I have a few ideas which I shall not share at the present moment. But if you have ever felt a bit caught between the antithetical forces of an inexplicable binary that you cannot explain, there was Bankim and Bibhuti before you. And a host of others, I shan't even mention that splendid mimic-man. (Bollam toh, bolbo naa!)
Why do we need to share our thoughts eh?On a blog? It baffles me at times. It baffles me all the time. Whenever I read a blog, well designed, well written, a sudden intimate glimpse into an immortal soul...or even a mortal one... did I tell any of you that I was once a published poet in Bangla and shall shortly be published once more...?
*broods once more*
Right, I take back that confidence. And do stop lapping up my stream of consciousness. It is an ungainly sight. I have an examination on Monday. It is on two movies that are quirky and charming and well quirky and charming and a bit aantel too but oh well. Whenever you feel a bit uneasy during film studies examinations start quoting Baudelaire. In French, if possible. I do it all the time.
Ah well. This was the type of post that I had vowed never to write again. But I did it. Because humans are perverse, nasty creatures. They don't know what they need,but what's even worse, they don't know what they want.

C'est l'Ennui! —l'œil chargé d'un pleur involontaire,
Il rêve d'échafauds en fumant son houka.
Tu le connais, lecteur, ce monstre délicat,—
Hypocrite lecteur,—mon semblable,—mon frère!

(It's Ennui! — his eye brimming with spontaneous tear
He dreams of the gallows in the haze of his hookah.
You know him, reader, this delicate monster,
Hypocritical reader, my likeness, my brother!)

Footnote; Yes, we still live in a veritable wasteland, don't we?


mojo said...

why do we blog? why do people write and publish their stuff? because they want other people to read it and appreciate it, because they are absolutely, utterly convinced that what they are writing is profound and true and has tremendus literary or artistic merit...whatever they say, however much they deny it and say their poems/blogposts/stories are crappy, deep down they are craving for praise, for acceptance, for heads nodded vigorously in agreement.
aajke keu khub profound kotha bollo cha khete khete, all artists are exhibitionists, the blog is just another platform.

ahona said...

Yes, I agree, I was telling N. just that.It's craving attention. Thassall. Attention and a bit of praise.And thassit.
Sometimes it's the need to reach out as well. It's like the sudden need to say something to more than one person.One emotion, one abrupt thought to last a lifetime.

Elendil said...

Baap re ki nonsense :P

Elendil said...

*farts profoundly*

Excuse my irreverence :P

ahona said...

bugger off, prayag ray.

Jijo said...

nonsense or whatever. it's Her Blog and She can Write whatever She wants to Write about. That's what She's exactly mentioned in the last Post. Blogging has both it's Good and Bad Sides. And everything doesn't always need to make sense. Everything need not always be profound and deep and rich in thoughts. That is, if they at all are really. For commonly, We come across People in this so-called 'intellectual' circuit who are there only to pass themselves as sociologists who know everything and are capable of properly understanding and interpreting the human mind. They think they know everything and it is their birth right to comment about everything. But to speak the Truth[and am not being an absolutist here],they are just fake and they just pretend. well, leaving out a select and precious few that is. at least She doesn't do that. It might not make sense for everybody. Well, at least it makes sense for Her and a few Others as well.

ahona said...

Cheers mate!
That was lovely.
*applauds antoreep*
*jeers at prayag*

*drinks coffee and looks melancholy like the intellectual that she is. True, not faux*

*will go to Coach's next practice even though she CANNOT play cricket*

Elendil said...

Haha, what's wrong with you Jijo? I was just fooling around like I always do. Not making a political statement. Of course she can write whatever she wants, and I have a *very* high opinion of her writing, thank you very much. She is one of my best friends and only she will understand little bits of humour that only we exchange like 'Farts profoundly'. So just chill. Go have a fag. Take a monster shit or something.

Elendil said...

And for one claiming that 'Everything need not always be profound and deep' your little Comment makes no Sense, See? It's not particularly Light or Funny. In fact it's Drab and Full Of Profound Shit. I fell Asleep somewhere in the Middle of it.

ahona said...


Jijo said...

oh brilliant! U fell asleep and inspite of that U got affected by it so much that bothered to actually come back with not just one but two replies? amazing! I must say that U have got great intuitive powers, U Know! Funny how U fell asleep somewhere in the middle and inspite of that could make out what it was all about, and to such a great extent that U actually even managed to quote from it! Hat's off dude! chillax! no hard feelings, huh! I was just expressing My opinion. not waging a war against U!

ahona said...


*large resounding fart of frustration*

Antoreep I appreciate it but this is getting juvenile. I swear.

Prayag Ray,go and live in Miami.

Elendil said...

Ah yes, but you see, Goodsir, that despite the fact that I fell asleep in the middle of it, I understood the Essence of it's Profound, Sententious Morality within the first 5 lines.

Peace peace.

hingshuti said...

you are v you are NC...c fer choda of course...but going by your nyakamo, N is, well...