Tuesday, 12 June 2007

Admissions, and some other Nuggets of Nothingness.

Lightening. Ooooh.

Shall we pour our heart out for posterity’s sake, or should we go for dinner, as the gong resounds in ones stomach?
I think we should look natty, and wear interesting socks and headgear. After that I am all for some dinner, which should include mushrooms and cheese in whichever capacity they choose to be in.
So striped socks deserve mushrooms, you ask, and I nod my head. Why are we trying to be all confused? It is a most disagreeable state to be in, only surpassed by hunger, which, one might add, is also disgruntling and disgusting.
We all seem to be waiting for the Great Carnival coming up soon.

Headgear, hats, caps, bonnets and those events from Nepal (wink wink nudge nudge), also other debatable carnivalesque modes of defiance. I have been thinking (nudge wink again) and a question, a FAQ, pops into my head.
Food?
In these vast processions of mass mayhem, canine confusion (alright, alright), dastardly deeds, Herculean Henchmen, Polite but in much Pain Professors, and eager beaver parents with wayward wards who give every entrance examination under the sun, and are waiting for final medical lists in Universitus Obscurus, in all useless things we succeed (speaking all the while Lingua Northumbrian).
Yes, yes. We look dandy. It’s the candy. (Today liquor is not quicker)… but what if the dreaded Pangs Of Hunger strike while yelling at a parent who is busy mutilating Beloved Offspring’s Fellow Contenders or, BOFC. BOFCs are vile things and one must kill them. The most potent weapons in order of efficiency and potency;
1. Body Odour- position your arm so, and hear the thud, which potential BOFC standing next to you makes.
2. Elbow. Practice from a month before to make it hard and deadly. One strategic poke/dig and BOFC drifts to heaven without a staircase.
3. Umbrella- that staple of all I Shall Need To Wipe ANYBODY Out missions, BOFCS wouldn’t know what struck them. It can be camouflaged as a shield against the merciless June sun. Except your son would know whose Pop is the Merciless Weasel.
4. Bombs- plant bombs in toilets for BOFCs who will visit in the coming moments. Don’t worry. They all do, accompanied by their parents since the stress is killing and they forget how to urinate. Parents probably make hissing noises and cheer on bowel movements. It is a stress-relieving activity also for parents. It irritates the professors and makes the students wonder. The flipside is that we will all die.
5. Food- tempt the volunteers with food and make them your devoted slaves. They will bark for you, they will kill BOFCs for you. Poison a portion and offer that to BOFCs.

After every successful mission we will all dance, in utmost Carnivalesque fervour, to My Baby Does The Hanky Panky.

Now I am very hungry. So goodbye. Definitely more on this later.

12 comments:

Opaline said...

Hahahahaha. "today liquor is not "quicker.

Arse Poetica said...

dwunk on perspiration more like,na?
you would know...

Elendil said...

What stress? The JUDE entrance exam involves writing pseudo-clever bullshit while staring at the interesting specimens of the opposite sex seated nearby. Sounds relaxing to me, John.

babelfish said...

Dudette! Tumi puropuri Goddess (with a Capital G)
And you can tell Prayag that for once he has made the most asinine comment possible. Aargh.

Arse Poetica said...

Prayag, you nitwit nengti eedoor,do you even remember how taxing it was to be a BOFC last year?And this year we will be a Volunteer,dammit.

Opaline said...

What? Pseudo clever bullshit? Excuse me? Why didnt you just go to Xaviers? Idiot.

Elendil said...

Eh? Are we not admittedly pseudo? Are we knowledgable enough to actually claim to be intellectuals? I think the only people who are really clever in JUDE are the professors and the rest of us a bunch of fools. Maybe some of us have talent, but until the time when we've got em PHDs, and few of us will actually reach that far, we can really say that we're writing anything other than glorified bullshit.

As far as Xaviers (College) is concerned, those fake, rich, A-club nitwits can suck my too too. We're a league above them, at least.

oliver said...

heh. i am such a regular bofc-er i might as well start charging for it now. such is life.

Arse Poetica said...

@Prayag-Aaaarhghhh.
We're NOT pseudo, once and for all.
Well,not that much.Some maybe BUT not all.
@Opaline-don't excuse him!
@Oliver-All the best for BOFCing.

babelfish said...

Eh? Are we not admittedly pseudo? Are we knowledgable enough to actually claim to be intellectuals?

Oh yeah baby you're definitely pseudo, no worries. If you've been even thinking of claiming to be an intellectual you're pseudo with the p pronounced (like peeneumonia).

The bits I like about JUDE (and when I say bits I mean people but whatever) are the ones who don't claim to be intellectual. In fact who don't claim to be anything but are bloody well intelligent. Bring your nose a little lower and look around :)

Opaline said...

Yes. Everything Diyasree says. Without the :). Numbnut.

Arse Poetica said...

And Prayag I add my "bit" now...
It serves you right, you numbskull.Hmphhh.