Shall we pour our heart out for posterity’s sake, or should we go for dinner, as the gong resounds in ones stomach?
I think we should look natty, and wear interesting socks and headgear. After that I am all for some dinner, which should include mushrooms and cheese in whichever capacity they choose to be in.
So striped socks deserve mushrooms, you ask, and I nod my head. Why are we trying to be all confused? It is a most disagreeable state to be in, only surpassed by hunger, which, one might add, is also disgruntling and disgusting.
We all seem to be waiting for the Great Carnival coming up soon.
Headgear, hats, caps, bonnets and those events from Nepal (wink wink nudge nudge), also other debatable carnivalesque modes of defiance. I have been thinking (nudge wink again) and a question, a FAQ, pops into my head.
In these vast processions of mass mayhem, canine confusion (alright, alright), dastardly deeds, Herculean Henchmen, Polite but in much Pain Professors, and eager beaver parents with wayward wards who give every entrance examination under the sun, and are waiting for final medical lists in Universitus Obscurus, in all useless things we succeed (speaking all the while Lingua Northumbrian).
Yes, yes. We look dandy. It’s the candy. (Today liquor is not quicker)… but what if the dreaded Pangs Of Hunger strike while yelling at a parent who is busy mutilating Beloved Offspring’s Fellow Contenders or, BOFC. BOFCs are vile things and one must kill them. The most potent weapons in order of efficiency and potency;
1. Body Odour- position your arm so, and hear the thud, which potential BOFC standing next to you makes.
2. Elbow. Practice from a month before to make it hard and deadly. One strategic poke/dig and BOFC drifts to heaven without a staircase.
3. Umbrella- that staple of all I Shall Need To Wipe ANYBODY Out missions, BOFCS wouldn’t know what struck them. It can be camouflaged as a shield against the merciless June sun. Except your son would know whose Pop is the Merciless Weasel.
4. Bombs- plant bombs in toilets for BOFCs who will visit in the coming moments. Don’t worry. They all do, accompanied by their parents since the stress is killing and they forget how to urinate. Parents probably make hissing noises and cheer on bowel movements. It is a stress-relieving activity also for parents. It irritates the professors and makes the students wonder. The flipside is that we will all die.
5. Food- tempt the volunteers with food and make them your devoted slaves. They will bark for you, they will kill BOFCs for you. Poison a portion and offer that to BOFCs.
After every successful mission we will all dance, in utmost Carnivalesque fervour, to My Baby Does The Hanky Panky.
Now I am very hungry. So goodbye. Definitely more on this later.