Wednesday, 30 May 2007

Dull Monotones and Bright Sunlight

When it's very hot( like now) I feel like a fizzy drink. Any drink with fizziness and minus dizziness is good for (my) bizzyness. So i'm drinking Lehar Club Soda and all because my father commented on my rapidly bloating physique; and he said(randomly, as usual)...
"I believe both your legs would together weigh about 30 kgs.The right would weigh 17 kilos, and the left about 13.I think you should refrain from kicking anybody or anything as of now."
Really, he can be very very rude.
My room,which is in shades of pleasant yellow, only seem to remind me of startling bilious sunlight. To escape the pain I went to a rooftop pub on Lindsay Street, i.e., in Lindsay Hotel called the Blue and Beyond.
Contrary to popular perception or expectation it is not done up in shades of blue.
But you can see a lot of Calcutta from there so i like it.
I went with a friend of mine who I have stood up more times than I care to recall and she cares to forget. However, I was as late as usual as we made our way to this li'l place of my choice and she made me part with 40 precious bucks to get a pack of 20...and why?
Oh they were coffee flavoured...
En route so I bade the 40 bucks bye bye and then we ascended. It was hot but they have this air conditioned glass cage thing and we entered. In recent time, I am completely bronchially butchered. I was dying for some strong chilled beer.Literally dying.
Nursing my cold, I ordered a pot of hot coffee.
Regular?Black?Milk?Vant?
I don't know why the waiter was doing his best to make me feel inept, stupid and sad.
Coffee.
Regular would be best.
Coffee.
PLEASE!

Friend:I'm hungry
Me:I have no money.
Friend:I have some.
Me:Be sure of it before we order.
Waiter:*polite cough*
Yes ma'am?
Firangis at neighbouring table: *animated gibberish*

waiter takes away ash tray.
Friend: This is symbolic.
Me: Amar kashi pachhe.
Friend:Let's ask him to parcel the food.
Me: But there are only a few puny pieces of babycorn left.Ya, so let's.

Three hours are over. We have consumed only a mocktail and a pot of coffee, and the cheapest starter on the menu(vegetarian).It is time to leave. We ask for the bill.

Friend:Pay for the coffee and the VAT.
Me: I hate VAT.Does it include service tax?
Friend:No.
Me: Will you tip?
Friend:No money.You?
Me:Yup

*pregnant pause*

We pay the bill. And run.

12 comments:

Elendil said...

Heh. Good thing I didn't come. Oh, and plis don't kick me, plis.

Arse Poetica said...

As far I recollect you weren't invited.Oh and please I shall kick you.Please.So that you die,dude.And can never invite yourself, ever again.
And it wasn't that bad.I had 150 bucks, and she 250.So there.

Bhooter Raja said...

you drink lehar club soda! i find it rather horrible having it emni emni.

oliver said...

hmph. why don't i ever have such rich and ubercool-sounding friends?

Arse Poetica said...

Oliver.This is you, my ubercool sounding friend.

oliver said...

yes mathamota, i know. don't you?

Arse Poetica said...

So this is some convoluted form of narcissism?
Oh woe the simple of mind!

ushmi said...

why don't you have a profile pic? this is most distressing...even more so than that completely idiotic looking THING that goes for your resemblance on orkut and elsewhere...ity reminds me of a portrait of some stoooopid duchhess or summat by reynolds or summat...unowhutimeen?

Elendil said...

Exactly what Ushmi said, with added emphasis. In a screechy voice.

Arse Poetica said...

Okay then I donate my camera to wannabe photographers who can make me look photogenic, pretty, smart,distinguished...and slim.
Any takers?

babelfish said...

Points one to four ain't remotely difficult, but why do you want to be slim? Are you a Sony Ericsson phone or something? Slim is ugly, most of the time, too flat :D

Arse Poetica said...

Well slimmer then!I don't like the bulge,that be all Babelfish.Not that I want to look anorexic.No!